Yes, I’m aware that it’s been MONTHS since we last spoke. I blame my heavy nightly TV schedule, laundry, and mommy fatigue on not blogging as much these days. Not that blogging isn’t on my mind a lot; I often think about funny topics that I want to write about and then two consecutive nights of American Idol happens and the topic floats away, unwritten. But this week, and really all month of January, this one topic has been bugging me and it’s time to get it off my chest… Why does my motivation to eat healthy and push myself at the gym ebb and flow so much?
I have literally spent the better part of my adult life chasing a certain body image. I’m not trying to be Jessica Alba skinny. I’m not even trying to be skinny. I just don’t want a belly pouch leftover from pregnancy that has been IMPOSSIBLE to lose. And I would like my thighs not to rub so much when I walk. There, that’s all I want. But damn, do you understand how hard it is to make this happen? It takes absolute laser focus for me to get near – and then hold onto this kind of shape. No slip ups. No flex weeks on vacation where I can indulge in yummy food, poolside Pina coladas, and no exercise and still be at my desired shape.
Hi 35, bye Metabolism
I tell ya; once I hit 35 my metabolism went to hell in a handbasket. Whereas I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted and hover over the same weight for years, +/- 5 lbs so long as I worked out 3 times per week, it’s a totally different ball game now. I’m working out 5 days a week and eating clean and I STILL struggle to keep it tight. WHYYYYYYYYYYY?
I was doing so well all fall, being super mindful of my clean eating lifestyle and cooking up a storm. Then mid-December we went to Memphis and Nashville for a long weekend and that sort of set off a long drift from my steely clean eating focus. As we got into the holidays I was a lot more relaxed and drinking wine pretty much every night with friends and family, enjoying Christmastime.
So here I am in early February still blaming Christmas for these extra few pounds and struggling to dig deep and find that motivation again. I mean seriously, you’d think I was a freaking toddler the way I eyeball my son’s bag of goldfish and pray that he leaves a few fishies for me to devour in one fistful. For some reason I’ve been craving anything crunchy for the last week or two. I have lived without much carb-like crunch for months and suddenly freaking goldfish is going to be my undoing!?
I’m the type of gal that needs an event to get my motivation souring. I just got back from an amazing vacation in St. Thomas, Virgin Islands at the end of January, where I most certainly didn’t help my waistline by drinking like a fish all day and night! But I don’t really have any up and coming vacations or events to spike my motivation until the summer.
The bottom line is, it’s hard to stay laser focused indefinitely. Sometimes you just want to indulge in your sweet tooth. Or satisfy that salt craving without it effing up your entire day and making you feel like a failure. When you’re looking at losing 5-10 lbs., a pound here or there really does matter, so those little indulgences can stand between you and ultimate happiness: A Hot Bod.
I know that by June I will be in the head space to focus on losing these annoying extra pounds because I have a black tie event I’m attending and if I’m buying a freaking adult prom dress I want to feel amazing in it. And the other event I have is my husband’s 20 year high school reunion and you better believe I’m gonna bring it MILF style for that. I owe it to my husband to look like a trophy wife. LOL!
Vain girl at heart
All this sounds so shallow and sure, maybe it is. And I’m ok with that, I’ve referred to myself as “vain girl” on this blog for years. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that! I feel like this determination to stay in shape will serve me well far into the future, assuring that I will lead a long and healthy life, God willing. I can’t imagine a time where I’m not hitting the gym and breaking a sweat, living off of that daily endorphin rush. Like the great Elle Woods wisely said: “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.”
I’m never getting off this hamster wheel, which is fine. I just cross my fingers that my lacking motivation ends it’s ‘ebb’ sesh and moves back into ‘flowing’ soon so I can fit into my CAbi skinny jeans again without a major muffin top creeping over. Will the Motivation Gods please just HIT MEH already! Thanks in advance!