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Mommy, I want to be big like you.

photo 1 Annabelle has decided that she’s over being little and she wants to be big, like me. Every day she tells me she’s getting bigger. “Mommy, look at my arms, they’re getting big. And look at my eyes… my legs…my feet, they’re getting BIG!”

This is true. She’s filling out and getting taller every day. She was 40” tall in October when we went to Disneyland, just barely meeting the height requirement to ride most of the younger kid rides. Today she is 42” tall, a mere three months later. Some days I look at her and marvel at her cute, tiny little figure sitting on the floor quietly playing Barbie’s for extended periods of time. And other days she just seems like such a big girl that it makes me sad and I want to cling to what baby-ness she has left.

You see, I just want Annabelle to stay little forever. And the same for Leo. I want him to stay little but only if he stops digging through the garbage can, splashing around in toilets, and eating dog food.

photo 2I downloaded the Timehop app that sends me pics from older posts on the same day in previous years, and when I see the sweetest picture of an 18 month old Annabelle sitting on her daddy’s lap drinking milk at a nice restaurant it tugs at my heartstrings. I remember her going up to the piano man and dancing around in front of him in her leopard leggings and all the patrons watching with a smile telling me how adorable she is. I MISS that baby so much.

So the other day when she told me she wants to get big like me I told her that mommy wanted her to stay little forever. Well, that was the wrong thing to say, mom. The corners of her little mouth curled downward and tears welled up in her eyes as she said in the saddest little voice; “I d-d-d-on’t want to be little anymore, I want to be big.”

Oh, no. It’s time to stop this, child. You’re ripping my heart out.

So I said; “Ok, ok, you can get big but can you just get big slowly for mommy?” Annabelle immediately perked up when I told her she could get big again…. “Ok mom, I’ll go slow, not fast,” she says with a smile. Hope and happiness restored for her, and mama’s heart begins a slow ache that will likely never subside, eventually culminating to a full on break and re-break when she hits major milestones that clearly mark her exit from a child to that BIG girl she so desperately and suddenly wants to be.

From BIG girl to baby again

Kids are so fickle, though. One minute she’s a big girl, and the next I’m feeding her every bite of her dinner like she’s a freaking baby. I’ve read that sometimes toddlers regress, and somehow we’ve gotten to a point where I have to feed Annabelle her dinner. This isn’t the case if she’s actually into her dinner, like if it’s mac ‘n cheese, grilled cheese, or mac ‘n cheese; but if it’s chicken, broccoli, or potatoes, I’m hard selling every bite to her with an airplane noise and a promise of chocolate afterward.

Annabelle’s fascination with being a big girl is beginning to remind me of that Tom Hanks movie from the 80’s called “BIG.” I need to keep her butt away from carnivals with that freaky fortune teller arcade game that turns little kids big.

Yesterday I asked her why she wanted to be big so badly and it was like I asked her to explain to me the theory of relativity.

Silence.

She has no freaking clue why she wants to be my size. She just does. I told her being little is so much more fun – there’s no responsibility! She can play Barbies all day and take naps whenever she wants. I’d kill to take naps whenever I wanted. She’s taking her life for granted man!

Why are kids in such a rush to grow up? I never remember wanting to grow up so fast. If I could sit and draw pictures, play Barbies, and eat my mom’s cooking every night, I might even be down with being little again myself.

Hopefully Annabelle’s fascination with being big doesn’t just get more intense every year to the point that she’s over Santa and wanting to wear makeup and belly shirts by the time she’s six. If that’s the case, the struggle is gonna get real, people. Totally dreading life with a tween btw, omg.

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